That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
