in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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