You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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