I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
