I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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