My room smells like vodka and shame
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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