that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the day after is always just damage control
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
