Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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