its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
