I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
