party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
