Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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