its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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