I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
