it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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