I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
