This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
