the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
