JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
