bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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