DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never underestimate the power of titties
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
