you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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