I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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