I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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