he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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