I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
