First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
