New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
