Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
