I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
