Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize