I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
