:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
