we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
