he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
