A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
