It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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