I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
