Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
