I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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