Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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