Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
