New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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