when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will be naked everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
