dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
