come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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