I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
