HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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