who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My pussy is not your playground.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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