My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
