Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
