Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize