Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
