I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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