how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
