Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
