if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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