he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
