Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
