Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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