Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
handjob tips. give me some.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
