I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
