i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
