she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
