Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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