Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
