my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
