So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
