I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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