I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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