Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
