I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
