he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
