yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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