He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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