last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
