And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is my gift to your gina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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