Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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