I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
