I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
