you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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