Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
