You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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