I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
