I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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