I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
do nipples grow back?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
