my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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