the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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